Her: ...and then she said I was immature and stupid, I got so upset because I hate it when people disrespect me and..
Me: Why did you get upset?
Her: She said I was immature & stupid!
Me: So? Are you?
Her: No, but it just was disrespectful!
Me: So what?
Her: *laugh* So?! What do you mean?
Me: Why do you need respect from everyone?
Her: uh.. I don’t know, it’s just rude.
Me: So let her be rude.
Her: I don’t know, it just made me mad.
Me: Do you like being mad?
Her: NO lol!
Me: ...then don’t be mad
Her: You’re so weird.
Me: I’m serious. First, you admit you don’t believe it’s true that you’re immature & stupid, so you’re getting upset over her saying something that isn't even true, second what actually happens to you if you’re disrespected? Do you get sick? Nothing happens, you’re ego and self-image is fictitiously threatened by it. Also do you think you deserve respect? If you do, then people not respecting you is them making a mistake, right?
Her: It still pissed me off.
Me: Sarah, if a really fat ugly girl pointed at you and said “Look at you, you need to hit the gym fatty” - would you be offended?
Her: No I think it would be funny
Me: Why?
Her: because she’s fatter than me!!!
Me: Exactly *smirk* so you see the words are not what offends you, it’s who it’s coming from. Your beliefs about the person who’s saying the words changes whether it’s offensive.
Her: hmmmm... ok
Me: So in the case of the fat girl, would you let it ruin your day, and rant about respect, or would you laugh at how cute it was and continue your day?
Her: Well, I mean it’s funny...
Me: The same is if a little kid says something mean to you, it’s hard to care right?
Her: ...
Me: In a way you’re reaction to her says more about you than it does about her..in a way
Her: I see what you mean I guess.. She still shouldn't say those things
Me: True, but next time someone says something that would normally get upset, just think of the little fat girl.
Her: *laughs*
How you handle words said about you from another person often reflects more on how you feel about yourself & them than it does on the words themselves. This is why none of us would get upset over being called a loser by a homeless man, or being told over and over that we’re not a human but a computer mouse. Your beliefs about you being a human are so strong and secure that the only reaction to being told you’re a computer mouse is laughter. Take a moment on this and consider how absurd it would be to let a comment like that ruin someone’s day.
Instead of getting upset over the beliefs others have about us, take a moment to step back and observe yourself getting upset, and consider what about this is making you upset. Is it coming from a rational place? Is it coming from a place of insecurity? Think of it as a moment to learn something rather than waste time and mental energy getting upset - a reaction that mainly primitive that’s purpose is to prepare for violence. (getting upset gets you excited in anticipation for some kind of fight or flight[i think], a throwback to our evolutionary history as animals)
