skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Here’s a thought that might change the way you view relationships & dating. Let’s say you live in California, like I do. The population is around 37,000,000. Half of those are women. Of those 1/4th are probably within your age range, of those 1/8th you’d be attracted to, of those let’s say 1/10th are not only attracted to you back but you’d have great chemistry with.
We’re left with close to 58,000 women. That’s 58 thousand different lives that could be lived together, and shared. 58 thousand different Disneyland trips, 58 thousand potential ‘i love you’s’, 58 thousand opportunities. Imagine standing on a stage with 58 thousand women, all who you’re attracted in terms of looks and chemistry/personality, staring up at you smiling.
You could have brushed shoulders with one of them at the mall, or made eye contact at the beach once - you’ll never know, and she’ll never know - life paths that could have flowered will never exist due to this fact. The only thing preventing these potential lives from existing is you not finding out when you see her walking by.
One of the most unique things about women & dating is the complete lack of genuine feedback you get when making mistakes. In most things in life, making a mistake will result in some form of feedback - think about it: In archery you see where the arrow goes, and how far it is from the target. In sales, if you sell a bad product, customers will return it with an earful of reasons why they are not happy. In comedy, if you tell a bad joke nobody laughs.
It’s only with women you get virtually no feedback on making a mistake. The only feedback you may get will be a gentle lie to salvage your feelings, or to reduce guilt in her mind. If a girl is turned off by something she’ll rarely tell you - even at the risk of it being a misunderstanding - she’ll simply stop responding, or lie to you.
It’s like having this deep burning longing to hear a song you don’t know how to play on the piano. You sit down and the piano will only play the note if you hit the right note at the right time - if you hit the wrong note no sound comes out at all. You randomly hit a key, and nothing. You try again, and nothing. On your 28th try “Ding.”
You get excited and hit the same key again but nothing. “What the hell?” You later realize this piano will only make a sound if you hit the right key in the right order.
This would be eternally frustrating. You have no notes, no feedback on what keys make what sound, and only hear anything if you play the notes in perfect order.
This agonizing reality about women is why many average guys will throw their hands up, and channel their desire for love with porn or harassing an ex girlfriend. They are left in the dark with no clue why she won’t text them back, or why she flaked. Being porn addicted & anti-social in response only adds to the problem, making them even worse than before.
Of course some men find excitement in the puzzle, or develop a competitive ego based desire to figure out how to play the notes and continue. They smile as they come close, and hear the beautiful song.
From a woman’s perspective none of this is known. All she knows is there’s creepy guys and cool guys, but puts little thought into why. She meets a “cool” guy and thinks “I like him, he’s relaxed, keeps eye contact and makes me laugh” - when in reality he may just be the product of an ocean of rejections, flakes, tears, scars, and lessons all in the name of putting together life’s most frustrating but rewarding puzzle.
1. Remind yourself of your goalYour goal most of the time is to get your opponent to put his money into the pot with the worst hand. If this happens, you win. Logically speaking you can only get a “bad beat” if you had the best hand when the money went in, and lost. Therefore a bad beat is an indication that you achieved your goal. Getting mad at factors beyond your control such as turns & rivers is irrational, pathetic, and wastes mental energy. Remind yourself of this.
2. Don’t argue with your opponent
When your opponent plays a hand badly and wins, it’s tempting to make a comment that may spark a small argument. This has no value. Your goal at the table is take money from the inferior, not to educate them. Also realize your desire to make a critical comment is impulsive and based purely in ego, and not based in any real desire to help anyone. Remind yourself of your goal (Point #1). Getting into a debate directly after losing a hand will only ignite a hotter burning tilt since bad players have fallacious views of what good poker playing is. Think of your opponents like mentally handicapped people, or children - if a child says something stupid like ‘when i grow up i want to be the moon’ you wouldn't get upset and get into a debate over this right? You’d just pat them on the head and go “That’s cute” - Take this approach to your opponents. Don’t waste mental energy in sparking ego battles with idiots. Treat them like children not worthy of serious conversation. Reserve mental energy to invest in your game.
3. Change your views on what ‘being mad’ means
People pride themselves in having a level of control over many things in life: money, eating habits, ability to wake up and go to work etc. For example, having control over your financial life is a sign of adulthood, and not buying into stupid marketing scams is apart of that. If you were sitting on a bench with a stranger, and a guy in a blue suite approach you both with a sales pitch: “I have this watch, 90% off! I’m selling it for ONLY $300!” - You decline but the other guy goes “wow! 90% off, thats amazing” and buys it. You would look at him like “What a fool, he just let a random person dupe him into a silly watch”
Now imagine you’re sitting on a bench with a stranger, and a random person came up and said “Wow, look at you guys, you look like losers.” It wouldn't be strange to expect the guy next to you to get all pissed, and maybe let it ruin his entire day. Nobody will look down on this, but you should. He let a random person who means nothing to him completely control his emotional state with statements based on nothing. He was ‘duped’ into allowing a stranger to control his emotional state. The same way that the watch pitch was from a random person with statements based on nothing. There’s nothing more intimate than your own thoughts & emotions, and getting upset over the words of strangers, or the effect of random causes, is allowing people and things to have a huge amount of control over you. This is pathetic, and should be viewed as pathetic.
Looking at tilt in this light, the idea of ‘being mad’ about the river, or an inferior opponent, is a pathetic sign of a weakness and lack of mental control. Change this type of behavior to be seen the same as a baby crying because he ate his last gummy bear and wants more. Strive to be nonreactive.
4. Conscious breaths & being present
This is a little ‘out there’ but it’s a practice I’ve come to love as a means to reduce anxiety. The idea is to ‘get out of your head’ and be in a state where you’re present to the moment, and come close to a state where you’re not thinking but being.
Stare at one spot that contains no words. Take a deep breath in and out, and put all of your focus on the sensation of the air going in and out of your chest. Try to not think. Imagine that your negative thoughts & emotions are clouds in front of your face, and with each breath they’re being blown away. Put your focus into your feet, bring your attention to how they feel against your shoes etc. Then legs, arms, neck etc. All of this while taking conscious breaths. After a few minutes of doing this you’ll find you’re more calm and less anxious over whatever was in your mind. Do this while on tilt. (See The Power of Now / A New Earth )
This is easy to make fun of, but I’ve come to use this in lots of areas in life and can honestly say it’s helped (dealing with co-workers, approaching hot girls, dealing with a headaches etc).
