Female Dating Sampling Bias

One of the illusions of dating from the female perspective is that generally guys are scared away by commitment, "clingy" behavior, or nonsexual intimacy.

It’s true some are, but the reason this view is so popular is not because it’s true, but because of a ‘sampling bias’ generated by the types of guys women are attracted to. The “kind” of guy who is not scared away by commitment, by definition, will be in more committed relationships - he therefore will be in the dating pool less often AND when he is in the dating pool will have less experience in attracting women. The man who is uncomfortable with commitment, by definition will be in less committed relationships - he therefore will be in the dating pool more often. Since he will be single more often, he will have experienced the “meet girl, attract girl, date girl” process more often, giving him more practice and insights into what behavior is attractive to women.

This illusion is so subtle it’s easy to understand why women think what they do - what’s sad is the types of guys women claim to want only pop their head into the dating pool for a short time, and when they do they’re rejected for not being completely socially calibrated and “weird” due to lack of experience.

Being a nice guy makes you an asshole

Being a nice guy, in the context of women, kinda makes you an asshole. By nice guy I mean a guy who has romantic interest in a girl, but avoids being explicit in his interest in her sexually, or does not hit on her. The kind of guy who does not approach with intent, but rather neutrally, hoping something might happen. The kind of guy who has a crush, but keeps it a secret. The kind of guy who, because he’s scared of rejection, never steps up and asks her out, but instead does her homework and hopes someday she’ll magically desire to be more than friends. The kind of guy who is in the friendzone and is frustrated by it.

On the surface a guy like this is just being “respectful” or “shy” but I think on a deep level his actions are offensive and disrespectful - here’s how:

Being a guy who does not convey romantic interest to a girl you have interest in, this makes you dishonest. You may think your actions are out of respect and friendliness, but in reality they’re based in fear and dishonesty. Your words, and actions are not aligned with your intentions. Akin to the guy who’s only being your friend because he secretly wants something you have. This does not make you a nice guy, it makes you an asshole.

By not being explicit with a girl you’re interested in, you’re indirectly telling her she’s not worth the risk. Many guys fear rejection, but rejection is just temporary bad emotions, and by not being clear in your intentions you’re implying she is not special enough to risk feeling temporary bad emotions. You’re saying by your lack of action “I’m more interested in protecting my ego from a little pain than I’m interested in you”   You’re indirectly telling she’s not special, not worth it - This does not make you a nice guy, it makes you a selfish asshole.

By not taking action, by either not approaching with intent or not making romantic advances (going for a kiss, or asking her out) you’re indirectly communicating to her you're not the type of man who goes for what he wants, but rather lets fear dictate his life. A man who desires to live his life in accordance to his values will aspire to move towards the life he wants, this requires going for what you want. If you believe you deserve to live the life you want, you will take action. By being just the “nice friend” around a girl you want to date, and taking no action to materialize that desire you’re subcommunicating that you don’t really value your own life. Yes, this is a little extreme “So if I don’t hit on chicks you’re saying I hate my life?” - In a way yes, but women are more symbolic in the context of the point i’m making.  This idea does not only apply to women, but in all aspects of your life, but it’s more true with women because the level of effort to take action is SO tiny the point is even more potent. Imagine a man who has the chance to get a good paying job that he says he wants, but doesn't want to get out of bed because “it’s so warm and comfortable in my bed” - What would this say about him? What does this say about how much he values the job? This analogy fits well because the rewards of being clear in your intent with a woman could be amazing if she responds well, where the risk is tiny (temporary bad emotions). This does not make you a “nice guy” it makes you an asshole for taking life for granted and not having the self respect to move towards a life you deep down want.

Many “nice guys” have warped views about guys who take action when it comes to girls they’re interested in. Words like “Douchebag” or “jerk” are common. “Why do girls go for jerks” they cry “I’m a good guy, I have a good job, so unfair” - This is an intuitive response, but when you change the frame the picture changes. If a man believes he’s a quality person, and has a lot to offer a girl - then NOT offering it makes you the douchebag, the jerk, the asshole. If you believe you’re a quality guy who’d be a positive addition to a girls life, and you take no action, then does that not mean you’re in a way depriving her? It’s not in the feminine nature to lead. This means even if she’s interested she will most certainly do nothing. Imagine a painter who paints beautiful art, he sits at home frustrated nobody appreciates his art. He mutters “ugh, my paintings are good, why is it the only artists who get exposure are the pushy guys who leave the house to show people their art” Stop being an asshole and go make your “art” visible.

Although downplayed female sexual frustration exists, not in the form of whether they can have intimacy, but getting it from the guys they want it from. Ask any girl “have you ever wanted a guy to make a move and he didnt?” - watch their eyes light up with stories. It’s totally adorable, but at the same time they’re being frustrated by ‘nice guys’

A KPOP song comes to mind that’s about this very thing: Nice guys frustrating girls

“Today I have a date with you for the first time in a while
What do I do, what do I do, the sun is already setting
Every day, every night – when will we get a bit closer?
I can’t even say it because I’m the girl
Stupid boy, silly boy, I can’t wait any longer
Today I will be courageous and tell you
After the evening sun sets, after the darkness falls
Will you take me home?
I don’t want to say goodbye yet, do you want to get to know me more?
Then do you want to come in and have some tea?
This night is too long by myself
I want to know you more
I ask of you until the morning comes “

In short, when you examine the “nice guy” behavior, there’s really nothing nice about it. Not being clear in your intent, and not taking action with the women you’re romantically interested is not being nice, it’s being a dishonest, selfish, ungiving asshole who has no self-respect. So sorry bro, there’s nothing nice about you.

Entitlement's Effect on Success

As subtle as it would seem, when it comes to success with anything, the beliefs in your head can be more powerful than other external efforts to get what you want. A boxer can train for weeks, but without the belief that he’s capable of beating his opponent, he has little chance of beating him.

This could not be more true with interacting with women. Your beliefs about who you are, what you’re entitled to, and what you’re capable will directly translate into how you speak, act, and behave around women you’re attracted to.

If a guy gets the courage to talk to a girl, but lacks the belief he’s entitled to her attention, or lacks the belief he’s capable of getting attraction, then this will translate into behavior. Shotty eye contact, speaking too quickly, nervous energy etc. His mind will be flooded with what he can say to keep her attention, something premised on the idea that he alone is not enough to keep her there. Akin to a man defusing a bomb, his head space is anticipating an explosion and it’s showing. The girl will get creeped out and reject him.

In contrast, a guy with a strong sense of identity, who may have dated women in the past as beautiful or more so will have a sense of entitlement and confidence about his capabilities to attract. He will have less pressure to ‘keep her attention’ since her attention is not a big deal. This will translate into him keeping normal eye contact, speak at a normal pace, be relaxed and basically be normal.

The girl’s subconscious mind registers this to reflect on his status, whether real or not, since if he’s this way around her, it must mean he’s this way around women like her. This is what women really mean when they say “just be yourself.” - In reality “being yourself” is a shadow, and it reflects how you view yourself, and more importantly, how you view her.

Are you awake?

Have you ever been driving on low sleep, and found yourself driving to your work, or old house? “Crap, where am I going? Oh wow I was driving to my work, it’s Saturday what the...” There are many examples of this, where we slip into a lower state of consciousness and go into autopilot. In “The Power of Habit” they talk about the ways your brain will bury routine tasks deep into the parts of your brain that do not require you to even be fully awake. They tell a story of a man with brain damage causing him to have almost no memory. He’s unable to locate the kitchen in his own house, but he once wandered outside, took a long walk, and returned safely. His walk was so ingrained into his “basal ganglia” that he could do it on autopilot. As we get older, more routine things will become a part of our autopilot system.

I have many stories where in routine, meaningless “conversations” with co-workers I’ll slip in completely ridiculous answers with a straight face. I’ll make reference to my grandson, or talk about driving a school bus, and sometimes the person will nod and smile completely on autopilot, not really listening. They can have a short conversation that’s so routine words are not even registering into their mind. It’s really funny if you can get away with it.

The easiest way to snap out of autopilot is for something completely random to happen. Maybe a friend jumps out of the bushes and scares you for example. We all know the feeling, we get super scared, laugh, then feel this jolt of awakeness. There’s a certain level of awakeness and joy that is associated with being out of autopilot. Think of how children are. They have yet to really develop any autopilot, or develop an ego - they are carefree beings who are completely expressive, curious, and free.

This ‘pure self’ found in children is still inside each of us, but is now buried in layers of self-image, autopilot, and ego. We’re now paralyzed into not being genuine due to fear of being judged by others, or concerns with our self-image or reputation. If a child sees another child he’s curious about, he’ll wobble up to them and without any hesitation say “hi, wanna play?” Now go up to a young man, point to a pretty girl he wants to meet, and tell him to talk to her and watch - his heart rate will increase, adrenaline shoot up, mind flooded with thoughts, excuses, and rationalizations on why he won’t or can’t do it. His ego is shocking him into fearing what will she think, what will others think, what if someone sees me. His entire nervous system is being jolted into the fear of going out of autopilot. 

Think of autopilot like a cast on a broken arm, or a leg brace, at first it aids you, may even make you feel a bit stronger since it’s hard. However if it becomes too thick, or worn too long the arm or leg inside will get weaker, pale, and eventually become barely alive. 

Think of a child like a completely naked soul, and as it grows it starts to develop a cast of autopilot. If the child lives a life of routine, rarely facing it’s fears, or going outside of it’s comfort zone the cast will grow thick and strong, and the self inside will get weak and pale. Character resistance does not occur so the character becomes weak and sensitive.

Weak, pale, pathetic unconscious beings are everywhere. Go to your local walmart and just watch people. Those who are mostly asleep will be more irritated by petty things like long lines, or paying $1 more for something. Their character is soft, and therefore the smallest thing will cause enormous anxiety. Since emotional fluctuations are rare, the smallest emotional changes will sting. They are slaves to their emotions.  The first step in choosing to live a more awakened life is recognizing what behavior will seduce you into slipping into autopilot. Routine, staying in your comfort zone, avoiding resistance, and living a life lacking in motion.

You go to work, have routine politically correct conversations like “Hey joe, how are you? Good. Oh, I’m good. Yeah it’s hot today! Alright Talk to you later” you drive home, and rationalize that you deserve to relax, something you do every single day. You decide to watch TV. Sitting there motionless, you maybe eat something. On the weekend you decide to join some friends for dinner and a movie. You sit in a chair and eat more. Make sure to avoid certain topics of conversation, those will cause scary things to happen like thinking, confrontation with your own views, or maybe even temporary negative emotions. Besides, it will startle the complete stranger next to you. Your food order was wrong, but you don’t want to confront the waitress, that will cause temporary negative emotions in both of you. Not only that it may disturb your friends, who will feel anxious seeing you mention it. You go and sit motionless in the movie, allowing it to stimulate you. You go home and sleep motionless.

In The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt talks about the character building qualities that tragedy and hardship have on a person. He talks about how often the worlds most inspiring people have histories of extreme suffering or tragedy. He argues that tragedy alone is not the cause, but it’s the massive perspective shifts that can take place which will give the person a certain level of enlightenment about life and purpose. He tells a story about a successful stockbroker, whose wife cheated on him, violently divorced him, ruined his financial life, took his house and threatened to take the kids. He recalls the extreme heartbreak and stress this had on him. He almost lost everything. In the story the man reflected heavily on his life and found that out of all the things threatened to be taken from him, his children were the only thing that mattered. The reality that his kids could be taken away was so terrifying it forced him to truly appreciate time spent with them. The idea of sacrificing even a moment with his son to work now seems ludicrous. This large perspective shift could only have taken place with an event of this magnitude.

Living above an autopilot state is (probably) a lot of work. It’s not like climbing a mountain where once you’re at the top you sit and enjoy it. It’s like climbing a muddy mountain in the rain, where you will backslide if you slow down, or stop. I have a vivid memory where two weeks after a fun Vegas trip with some friends I was pumping gas around 7:30am.

In Vegas, we had gone out to a club and had a blast. I had been pushing myself out of my comfort zone all weekend, and was in a very awake state. I saw this gorgeous girl talking to this buff black guy, but there's a tiny hint that she wasn't really into it. I moved in behind her and whispered in her ear “If you need me to save you, squeeze my hand” she looks at me and squeezes my hand. She smiles and says “Wow, i have not seen you in years!” - She was seriously drop dead gorgeous and was in some bottle service booth. I pretend to know her and ask the guy if its cool if we catch up. He has a weird look on his face and says “Yeah sure” and walks off.. 5 seconds later he grabs her hand and walks her away.  They were swallowed up in the crowd. I jumped up to see where she was going and ran threw some people. I went up behind her and said “hold on” and literally picked her up in the air and blasted through the crowd. The guy let go. I dropped her and she had a huge smile on her face and said “wow, thank you, who are you!?!??!” We talked for a bit but she was with a large group of girls and was dragged away. Nothing happened but it made for a cool story.

As I was pumping gas I saw a guy at the station who kinda looked like him and it made me think of the story. There was this moment where I almost did not believe my own memory. I had this thought “Uh, wtf did I really do that?” and the idea of doing that again seemed completely terrifying. Deep down I’m naturally a shy and awkward guy, not the type who does things like that. I know I did it though. It was not the memory that was foggy, it was the lack of identification I had with the person in the memory. 

I realized that the two weeks following Vegas I had been playing a lot of xbox, and had discovered the show “how I met your mother.” I had been watching it on the couch and taking naps between episodes. I remember having a savings goal so I did not go out of town either. I was doing mostly nothing. I was slowly moving back into the cast. Where the few days that followed up to the Vegas trip I had been very active, moving about so much the cast cracked freeing me from it’s grip. It’s like when forrest gump puts so much resistance on his leg braces from running they break, allowing him to run faster. After vegas I had slipped back into old habits, gently putting my legs back into the braces.

Facing resistance, violating routine, moving towards what you want despite it sometimes being scary are all ways to stay “awake” - The question is do you want to be?

Chopping - Why I don't

In live games it’s common that when everyone folds to the small & big blind, instead of playing the hand they will simply chop the blinds. Both players pull back all or most of their money and move on to the next hand. Virtually all players chop blinds - I do not. recovery

I’ve had dozens of  very short conversations on why I don’t chop, but I felt the desire to maybe explain in detail not only why I don’t chop, but why I think every decent player should not chop.

Here are my personal reasons, ranked by importance, for not chopping in live poker.

1. Letting fish off the hook - If you believe you’re a better player than your opponent, allowing them to avoid playing a hand with you is letting them escape a chance to make mistakes against you. This is mercy. If your goal at the table is to make money, and you achieve your goal by playing as many hands with weak opponents as possible, then chopping does not make sense.

2. Headsup pots are easier to win - All things being equal, you have a 1 in 5 chance of winning a 5 way pot, 1 in 4 chance of winning a 4 way pot, and so on. Also, in a heads up pot all of your focus is on one opponent, and there are less factors to consider making them easier (in my opinion at least) to play. Blind on blind pots are always heads up, and chopping simply removes one more potential pot won away from you - there’s no reason to allow this.

3. Live players are clueless when playing blind vs blind - I remember this really funny hand in vegas where it folded to the small blind, and the player assumed it was a chop and I calmly told him I don’t chop.

player: wait, you don’t chop?
me: nope.
player: oh...*stares around blankly*...wait, so now what?
me: haha...well.. you can call, raise, or fold
player: oh..i call
me: raise...
player: oh..um..fold

It’s as if he completely forgot how to play poker in the moment he was forced to play blind vs blind. It was too funny.

recovery In poker literature/culture, blind on blind or headsup poker is in a way it’s own little meta game. All decent players are aware that hand ranges are to be wider in this situation, and therefore the entire post flop dynamic is different. Most live players are completely oblivious to these dynamics, and therefore have no idea how to adjust to a heads up pot. If your goal in poker is to make money, allowing your opponent to avoid a situation where he’s the most clueless is complete insanity, you might as well light money on fire at that point.

4. Players hate you - One of the side effects of not chopping is it tilts your opponents. Players irrationally find it offensive that you want to play poker instead of chop, and if you’re lucky will develop a personal grudge against you and make you a target. A common response is “oh! You don’t chop huh! Then I’ll raise!” which translates as “Oh, you want to play poker, this offends me, so in response I’ll put more money with worse hands in the pot! haha! now what!”

I had one occasion while playing in LA, the player to my right asked to chop twice, each time I calmy said “no thanks” and raised his small blind limp. He got so upset that the third time we were blind on blind he made a ridiculous raise (like 10x the bb), I woke up with two kings and moved in. Him being tilted from this called with Q-3 - something he’d never do if my non-chopping did not upset him.

If your goal in poker is to make money, then allowing your opponents to avoid situations that may tilt them, and cause them to play worse than before is a mistake.

5. Rake Shmake - Many will point out that a blind on blind pot will be very small due to the rake, in some casinos the rake will take half of an unraised pot, causing a player to only win his money back if the pot is played without a bet postflop. They will argue this is a reason to chop.

The first thing to point out is this ONLY applies if both players do not raise pre-flop. All arguments about pot size are fallacious since the pot is only small if both players do not raise. To a player who  will raise playable hands and fold/check unplayable this argument has no validity. I personally am a player like this, and this among many reasons is why I find this argument unconvincing.

In addition this argument could be used to argue against limping in, since a limped pot of many players often has a higher rake than a heads up pot. A the local casino I play at, a unraised pot of two players will go from $4 to $2 after rake (50%). However an unraised pot of five players will go from $10 to $5 or $6 after rake. So if one is to argue that rake is a reason to chop, one most also argue it’s a reason to not limp either.

In short, chopping allows weak opponents to avoid playing against you, it prevents you from playing in easy spots, most players are clueless headsup, and it may drive your opponent crazy causing him to give you his stake with Q3 - all things that will increase your bottom line. Cn@@hqRVvUXOhBR32tL%

The Rosemary Complex

One of the most frustrating ‘types of girl’ is a girl who has what I’d like to call a “Rosemary Complex” or “Shallow Hal Syndrome.” In the movie “Shallow Hal” the main character who is hypnotized into recognizing only the inner beauty of women, falls in love with an obese girl named Rosemary. Rosemary is fat, but Hal sees her as a slender perfect 10. On paper you’d think Rosemary would love and appreciate the compliments and attention from Hal, but instead it weirds her out.

Rosemary: Hal, do me a favor and stop saying that I'm pretty and that I'm not fat, ok? Cause it makes me uncomfortable.

Hal: Umm, ok. Do you have a problem with compliments?

Rosemary: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. [...] I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. And I'm fine with that. But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice.

(click image for video)

The underlying issue here is not about ugly or pretty, but is rather a conflict in self-image & a lack of entitlement. Rosemary’s self-image is SO much different than how Hal sees her that his attention actually creates distrust in Hal. Her subconscious is essentially saying “Why is he lying to me?”

I’ve come across girls who have a Rosemary complex enough times to finally recognize the symptoms and causes. In short a “Rosemary Complex” is where a beautiful woman's self-image is that of an ugly one, and views genuine attention from a guy as weird, offensive, and with distrust - the more she’s attracted the more weirded out she is.

Here are actual quotes said to me from girls with a “Rosemary Complex”

“Why are you even talking to me? I’m not even pretty”

“Ok, seriously David you can stop, you don’t have to say all that, I know i’m just average”

“Well, to be honest, the reason I said no so many times to you was I thought you might be messing with me, I mean there’s a lot of beautiful girls out there so I didn't get why you wanted to take me out”

“honestly talking to you is humiliating, i’m ugly, have small boobs, so I just don’t get it”

The most frustrating thing looking back on girls who had a Rosemary Complex is that often they are girls i’ve found myself the most attracted to, & paradoxically the more attracted to you they are, the stronger the doubt over your attraction is.

Something i’ve noticed many girls with “RC” have in common is a lack of socialisation. They rarely go to traditionally social places (bars, clubs, parties) where a beautiful girl will get positive feedback over her looks by romantic advances or undeserved attention/treatment. A girls self-image is thus not being shaped in the “normal” way and results in a warped self-image.

Possible causes for lack of socialisation include:

1. Being in a long relationship with an anti-social boyfriend since she was very young.

2. Not getting along with girls with a normal social life.

3. Having unique hobbies that foster an antisocial lifestyle, or hobbies that are enjoyed by a more nerdy crowd.

4. Being a foreigner from another country too scared to go out.

5. General social anxiety.

58 thousand possible lives

Here’s a thought that might change the way you view relationships & dating. Let’s say you live in California, like I do. The population is around 37,000,000. Half of those are women. Of those 1/4th are probably within your age range, of those 1/8th you’d be attracted to, of those let’s say 1/10th are not only attracted to you back but you’d have great chemistry with.

We’re left with close to 58,000 women. That’s 58 thousand different lives that could be lived together, and shared. 58 thousand different Disneyland trips, 58 thousand potential ‘i love you’s’, 58 thousand opportunities. Imagine standing on a stage with 58 thousand women, all who you’re attracted in terms of looks and chemistry/personality, staring up at you smiling. 

You could have brushed shoulders with one of them at the mall, or made eye contact at the beach once - you’ll never know, and she’ll never know - life paths that could have flowered will never exist due to this fact. The only thing preventing these potential lives from existing is you not finding out when you see her walking by.

Women & Phantom Feedback

One of the most unique things about women & dating is the complete lack of genuine feedback you get when making mistakes. In most things in life, making a mistake will result in some form of feedback - think about it: In archery you see where the arrow goes, and how far it is from the target. In sales, if you sell a bad product, customers will return it with an earful of reasons why they are not happy. In comedy, if you tell a bad joke nobody laughs.


It’s only with women you get virtually no feedback on making a mistake. The only feedback you may get will be a gentle lie to salvage your feelings, or to reduce guilt in her mind. If a girl is turned off by something she’ll rarely tell you - even at the risk of it being a misunderstanding - she’ll simply stop responding, or lie to you.

It’s like having this deep burning longing to hear a song you don’t know how to play on the piano. You sit down and the piano will only play the note if you hit the right note at the right time - if you hit the wrong note no sound comes out at all. You randomly hit a key, and nothing. You try again, and nothing. On your 28th try “Ding.”

You get excited and hit the same key again but nothing. “What the hell?” You later realize this piano will only make a sound if you hit the right key in the right order.

This would be eternally frustrating. You have no notes, no feedback on what keys make what sound, and only hear anything if you play the notes in perfect order.

This agonizing reality about women is why many average guys will throw their hands up, and channel their desire for love with porn or harassing an ex girlfriend. They are left in the dark with no clue why she won’t text them back, or why she flaked. Being porn addicted & anti-social in response only adds to the problem, making them even worse than before.

Of course some men find excitement in the puzzle, or develop a competitive ego based desire to figure out how to play the notes and continue. They smile as they come close, and hear the beautiful song.

From a woman’s perspective none of this is known. All she knows is there’s creepy guys and cool guys, but puts little thought into why. She meets a “cool” guy and thinks “I like him, he’s relaxed, keeps eye contact and makes me laugh” - when in reality he may just be the product of an ocean of rejections, flakes, tears, scars, and lessons all in the name of putting together life’s most frustrating but rewarding puzzle.

My approach to keeping emotional control while playing poker

1. Remind yourself of your goal

Your goal most of the time is to get your opponent to put his money into the pot with the worst hand. If this happens, you win. Logically speaking you can only get a “bad beat” if you had the best hand when the money went in, and lost. Therefore a bad beat is an indication that you achieved your goal. Getting mad at factors beyond your control such as turns & rivers is irrational, pathetic, and wastes mental energy. Remind yourself of this.

2. Don’t argue with your opponent

When your opponent plays a hand badly and wins, it’s tempting to make a comment that may spark a small argument. This has no value. Your goal at the table is take money from the inferior, not to educate them. Also realize your desire to make a critical comment is impulsive and based purely in ego, and not based in any real desire to help anyone. Remind yourself of your goal (Point #1). Getting into a debate directly after losing a hand will only ignite a hotter burning tilt since bad players have fallacious views of what good poker playing is. Think of your opponents like mentally handicapped people, or children - if a child says something stupid like ‘when i grow up i want to be the moon’ you wouldn't get upset and get into a debate over this right? You’d just pat them on the head and go “That’s cute” - Take this approach to your opponents. Don’t waste mental energy in sparking ego battles with idiots. Treat them like children not worthy of serious conversation. Reserve mental energy to invest in your game.


3. Change your views on what ‘being mad’ means

People pride themselves in having a level of control over many things in life: money, eating habits, ability to wake up and go to work etc. For example, having control over your financial life is a sign of adulthood, and not buying into stupid marketing scams is apart of that. If you were sitting on a bench with a stranger, and a guy in a blue suite approach you both with a sales pitch: “I have this watch, 90% off! I’m selling it for ONLY $300!” - You decline but the other guy goes “wow! 90% off, thats amazing” and buys it. You would look at him like “What a fool, he just let a random person dupe him into a silly watch”

Now imagine you’re sitting on a bench with a stranger, and a random person came up and said “Wow, look at you guys, you look like losers.” It wouldn't be strange to expect the guy next to you to get all pissed, and maybe let it ruin his entire day. Nobody will look down on this, but you should. He let a random person who means nothing to him completely control his emotional state with statements based on nothing. He was ‘duped’ into allowing a stranger to control his emotional state. The same way that the watch pitch was from a random person with statements based on nothing. There’s nothing more intimate than your own thoughts & emotions, and getting upset over the words of strangers, or the effect of random causes, is allowing people and things to have a huge amount of control over you. This is pathetic, and should be viewed as pathetic.

Looking at tilt in this light, the idea of ‘being mad’ about the river, or an inferior opponent, is a pathetic sign of a weakness and lack of mental control. Change this type of behavior to be seen the same as a baby crying because he ate his last gummy bear and wants more. Strive to be nonreactive.

4. Conscious breaths & being present

This is a little ‘out there’ but it’s a practice I’ve come to love as a means to reduce anxiety. The idea is to ‘get out of your head’ and be in a state where you’re present to the moment, and come close to a state where you’re not thinking but being.

Stare at one spot that contains no words. Take a deep breath in and out, and put all of your focus on the sensation of the air going in and out of your chest. Try to not think. Imagine that your negative thoughts & emotions are clouds in front of your face, and with each breath they’re being blown away. Put your focus into your feet, bring your attention to how they feel against your shoes etc. Then legs, arms, neck etc. All of this while taking conscious breaths. After a few minutes of doing this you’ll find you’re more calm and less anxious over whatever was in your mind. Do this while on tilt. (See The Power of Now / A New Earth )

This is easy to make fun of, but I’ve come to use this in lots of areas in life and can honestly say it’s helped (dealing with co-workers, approaching hot girls, dealing with a headaches etc).