The Rosemary Complex

One of the most frustrating ‘types of girl’ is a girl who has what I’d like to call a “Rosemary Complex” or “Shallow Hal Syndrome.” In the movie “Shallow Hal” the main character who is hypnotized into recognizing only the inner beauty of women, falls in love with an obese girl named Rosemary. Rosemary is fat, but Hal sees her as a slender perfect 10. On paper you’d think Rosemary would love and appreciate the compliments and attention from Hal, but instead it weirds her out.

Rosemary: Hal, do me a favor and stop saying that I'm pretty and that I'm not fat, ok? Cause it makes me uncomfortable.

Hal: Umm, ok. Do you have a problem with compliments?

Rosemary: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. [...] I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. And I'm fine with that. But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice.

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The underlying issue here is not about ugly or pretty, but is rather a conflict in self-image & a lack of entitlement. Rosemary’s self-image is SO much different than how Hal sees her that his attention actually creates distrust in Hal. Her subconscious is essentially saying “Why is he lying to me?”

I’ve come across girls who have a Rosemary complex enough times to finally recognize the symptoms and causes. In short a “Rosemary Complex” is where a beautiful woman's self-image is that of an ugly one, and views genuine attention from a guy as weird, offensive, and with distrust - the more she’s attracted the more weirded out she is.

Here are actual quotes said to me from girls with a “Rosemary Complex”

“Why are you even talking to me? I’m not even pretty”

“Ok, seriously David you can stop, you don’t have to say all that, I know i’m just average”

“Well, to be honest, the reason I said no so many times to you was I thought you might be messing with me, I mean there’s a lot of beautiful girls out there so I didn't get why you wanted to take me out”

“honestly talking to you is humiliating, i’m ugly, have small boobs, so I just don’t get it”

The most frustrating thing looking back on girls who had a Rosemary Complex is that often they are girls i’ve found myself the most attracted to, & paradoxically the more attracted to you they are, the stronger the doubt over your attraction is.

Something i’ve noticed many girls with “RC” have in common is a lack of socialisation. They rarely go to traditionally social places (bars, clubs, parties) where a beautiful girl will get positive feedback over her looks by romantic advances or undeserved attention/treatment. A girls self-image is thus not being shaped in the “normal” way and results in a warped self-image.

Possible causes for lack of socialisation include:

1. Being in a long relationship with an anti-social boyfriend since she was very young.

2. Not getting along with girls with a normal social life.

3. Having unique hobbies that foster an antisocial lifestyle, or hobbies that are enjoyed by a more nerdy crowd.

4. Being a foreigner from another country too scared to go out.

5. General social anxiety.