Why Image Quality Doesn't Matter

 Imagine you’re forced to sit in a room for 16 hours straight. There’s nothing inside but four walls, and a chair. After 2 hours, the guard knocks on the door and offers you something to look at while you wait..

Guard: We don’t have magazines but i have two photo albums, you can look at them while you wait...
You: Ok, sure what kind of photos?
Guard: Umm.. one is 200 photos taken by a professional photographer, he’s using the highest quality and expensive equipment he has... He took all 200 photos in his hotel room alone...
You: Ok, what’s the other album?
Guard: It’s 200 photos taken by this guy in Iraq, says after his city finished a 12 hour firefight, he walked around rubble and took photos with his iphone... you can only pick one, so which is it buddy?

 Which album would you pick?

 Most people I’m sure would pick the I phone album. Surely these photos would be way more interesting to look at than a bunch of photos of a hotel room - right?

As trivial as this thought experiment is, it does reveal something about what matters to us when it comes to photography - quality content is more important to us than the quality of the photograph. If you don’t agree, which album did you pick in my example above?

 This is where most people cling to their ego, i mean expensive camera gear and proclaim: but..but..but, they’re not mutually exclusive! Who said you can’t have both?!

 This is of course true, but the question is what matters to us? Of course the “image quality” matters to a degree that we can see what the photo is of, but in the end what matters is what the photo is actually of. If it has meaning to us, or is something interesting that is what matters.

 Case and point is think of the most iconic and memorable photographs in history; most are either not in perfect focus, poor quality, or shot with cameras that by today’s standards fall below the most entry level camera. Does anyone care? Not really.

 Your “Image Quality” Obsession Is Hurting Your Photography

 Assuming that you've accepted my argument that “Quality of content” is of greater importance (in most cases) than “Image Quality.” I’d like to further argue that obsession with image quality can actually result in worse images. Again the question is now “What results in better ‘content quality” and not “image quality”

 

Spend a few hours watching camera reviews, or talk to a camera enthusiast at an electronic store - so much priority is put on image quality. This at first glance seems fine, I mean why the hell wouldn't it? What else matters when deciding what to buy?

 Many people think of photography gear in a kind of linear one dimensional way: A camera/lens with better image quality is a better camera/lens than one with slightly lesser image quality. Almost like a scale where image quality is the only consideration when judging a camera. I think this is a mistake.


If we’re to shift our priority to “content quality” over “image quality” then how we judge camera gear changes. 

The question is now: What allows you to better get "quality CONTENT"

For example, many of the “best” DSLR bodies are very large, heavy and expensive, i put “best” in quotes because this is assuming the “image quality/price” frame that i’m trying to reject.

 If our goal is “quality content” rather than “image quality” then suddenly size, price, and weight can actually make a “best” camera “worst”

 Examples: 

1.  If the size of the camera is so large that it deters you from taking it to more interesting places, and thus getting higher “content quality” images, then by my standards it would be a lesser camera than a smaller camera. 
2.  If the weight is so heavy that it deters you from carrying it longer, into more interesting places, and thus getting “content quality” images, then by my standards it would be a lesser camera than a lighter camera. 
3. If the price is so high it deters you from taking it into more interesting places/situations, thus getting higher “content quality” images, then by my standards it would be a lesser camera than a cheaper camera.
4. If the price is so high it prevents you from funding transportation or general ability to go to  interesting places/situations, thus getting higher “content quality” images, then by my standards it would be a lesser camera than a cheaper camera.

I've had various conversations with friends and acquaintances who have used their camera size, price, and weight as an excuse not to travel, for example. "I'd love to travel around the world and get amazing photos but...i don't have the money (said while holding a $2,000 lens)" or "I want to bring my camera but it's so heavy" or "I'm traveling to a exotic country but i'm scared my big camera might break, it was expensive, so i'll just use my iphone" - all excuses translate into "because i'm obsessed with image quality, i'll be taking less photos of quality content"

 The reality is in 2014 most entry level cameras have better image quality than most of the greatest photos taken from history. Nobody holds a photograph taken of WW2 and says “The image quality is poor, this is a bad picture” but instead go “Whoa, look at that moment, look at the guys face” or whatever. Obsession of image quality is a distraction from what really matters - content.

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Asian Girls Are Easy?

In the past few years I’ve heard friends and peers mention “Asian girls are easy.” It’s something I’ve always rolled my eyes at, mostly because I know it’s said for silly reasons. I wanted to write my thoughts on the subject, and why I feel not only are Asian girls not easy, but harder in many cases. All of this is based on my experience approaching, dating, and interacting with Asian girls.

What I mean by “easy” - in this context “easy” means: 1. Not difficult to approach, date, and seduce. I do not mean slutty or promiscuous.

Who cares? Before I begin my case refuting the popular claim that “Asian girls are easy,” I want to first ask - why does it matter? Everyone wants different things in life, and some paths to success are easier or more difficult. Some could argue learning Chinese is ‘harder’ than learning Spanish, but if you really want to learn Chinese - go for it.

All of us should want different things out of life, and the only focus should be how to get what we want. Something isn't better if it’s “harder” to get - especially with love or dating. Many try to argue that Asian girls are easy to undermine another person's progress, but does “harder” equal “better”?

It’s common to hear “Ha, asian girls are easy, try going for Latinas” or “be a real man and try to date Russian girls” - Who cares? Someone could easily say “be a real man and date women in prison” or “Latinas are easy, try approaching girls with down syndrome!” It’s ridiculous.

ASIAN GIRL TYPES

The term ‘Asian girls’ is really general, and I feel any discussion on patterns and behaviors should be in the context of the 4 primary ‘types’ that exist.

Type A: Fully Westernized - This would be an Asian girl who was not only born in the west, but her family or legal guardians are completely westernized. A girl who was adopted, or whose parents are second or third generation immigrants.

Type B:  Westernized - This would be an Asian girl who was born in the west, but whose parents, family, or other cultural influences have instilled values, customs, language, etc., into her. An example would be a girl was born into the US, speaks perfect English and has a complete understanding of western culture but whose parents do not. Another example would be a girl who’s born in the US, but whose family teach her non-western values.

Type C:  Native / West infatuate - This would be an Asian girl who was born in the east, but who has an openness or an attraction to western culture/people. This would be a girl for example who is mostly attracted to people from the west. Another example would be a girl who is highly interested in western culture or learning English.

Type D:  Fully Easternized - This would be an Asian girl who’s born in Asia, speaks the language, and is completely culturally in alignment with her native country. An example would be a girl who’s only been in the US for a few weeks (FOBs), or a girl who lives in Korea, only speaks Korean and has no non-Korean friends.



All Asian girls fit somewhere in this scale, and some may even fit between in two categories. This is why the claim “Asian girls are x” is myopic and stereotypical. In the same way that saying “Black people are X” would be shortsighted due to the existence of Native Africans vs African Americans.

FOUR BIG BARRIERS OF ENTRY

I want to list four common obstacles that come with approaching/dating asian girls that really challenge the whole idea that they’re “easy”

1. Language Barriers: Although it’s not always the case, anyone who’s approached or attempted to date Asian girls has been faced with language barrier issues. Language is something all of us take fully for granted, and attempting to approach, date, or seduce a girl who speaks little or *no* english is the furthest thing from ‘easy’ imaginable.

Communicating with another person who does not speak your language, or speaks it poorly is a challenging task that even guys who are very good with girls will struggle with. Talking slowly, removing words (like determiners), and using non-verbal communication (facial expression, pointing) adds an entire level of challenges. These challenges can be common with Asian girls, and is a virtual certainty with native Asian girls. 

The mere existence and frequency of language barriers is evidence that approaching/dating Asian girls is more difficult, not “easier”.

2. Cultural Barriers: Not all Asian cultures are the same, but most have commonalities that are similar or consistent in most. Views on sex, status, interracial dating, affection in public, marriage, humor and even talking to strangers can all be very different in type B, C & D Asian girls. An example of this would be in Korea heavy eye contact can be considered rude, and thus giving a girl eye contact may cause anxiety instead of attraction. Another example of this would be kissing or hugging in public is considered taboo in Japan; even established couples may not do it.

When approaching/dating white girls for example, heavy eye contact, flirty touching, sexual humor, and even kissing in public are rarely a problem - all of these are common things between two fully westernized white people.

The more conservative/traditional cultural barriers is evidence that approaching/dating Asian girls is more difficult, not “easier”.

3. Shame & Self-Image Barriers: This, in my opinion, is the most challenging reality of approaching and dating Asian girls. In the east, girls have extreme pressure to ‘appear’ pure, clean, polite, and innocent. In Asia there’s a lot of shame surrounding intimacy is so damaging and dysfunctional some countries population is even declining (link).

Many Asian girls are programmed to suppress their interest in sex and intimacy, hide it, or deny it. If they display or admit at all that they want, or even like sex or touch they risk being seen as a “slut” - in Japan a “bitch” or in China/HK a “public toilet.” Their sense of self is at risk, and their reputation is at risk if they show an interest in sex.

Disturbing examples of this are girls: spontaneously crying after kissing me for the first time, then holding me crying saying “i want kiss but feel shame,” or girls telling stories over fear of friends talking about them, hurting their reputation. Other examples include girls covering their faces after sex or kissing, admitting they really enjoy it but feel bad as if they committed a crime.

Most of this shame comes from sexually frustrated men who take out their inner sadness on women by shaming them. Asian men shame women on sex in the same way that a fat ugly girl will shame a beautiful girl for “dressing slutty,” when the reality is she’s jealous and sad that she’s not beautiful, and a quick way to reduce the pain is by inventing a story in her head that she’s just a slut who dresses slutty. Any self-aware man who was once really bad with women knows that shaming women for their sexuality is a way to deal with the frustration of not being a part of it. Accepting the fact that you’re just a lonely confused guy is too hard, so it’s just easier to rationalize that the girl kissing her boyfriend in the street is just a slut. A Japanese man will browse a porn dvd store, go home and masturbate all day, then walk outside and see a girl kissing me and instantly go “This girl should be ashamed for liking sex” - it’s pure hypocrisy and insanity.

The shame surrounding sex and affection is evidence that approaching/dating Asian girls is more difficult, not “easier.”

4. Extreme Shyness & Social Anxiety: In many parts of the east, talking to a stranger is taboo and even scary. Take a ride on a train in Korea or Japan - pure silence. In many parts of Asia, there’s a lot of anxiety surrounding talking to strangers, and because of this most never really develop the social muscles needed to meet new people. In the United States, if two strangers are walking by each other, it’s common to say “hello,” “good morning,” or “how are you!” - not doing so is even seen as rude. Talking to strangers is normal.

When attempting to approach or date Asian girls, often you will run into this. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that they have no practice talking to strangers and it’s outside of their reality. Even when a girl really likes you, her automatic response may be negative.

The social anxiety and shyness often found in asian girls  is evidence that approaching/dating Asian girls is, once again, more difficult, not “easier.”

Real Life Example: Tokyo Makeup Artist (Type D)

Walking on the Santa Monica Pier I see this really cute girl looking at the water.. I decide to talk to her

me:  $100 and i’ll jump...
her: *looks at me with blank stare*
me: Hello?
her: *scared look* Hello.

Right away I can tell she’s a Type C or D who likely speaks little or no English. If I were to simply talk to in English with no adjustments at all, she’s almost certainly just give me the “FOB Flinch” nod “No, sorry” and walk away. I opened with a joke, which she obviously did not get. If this was a white girl who spoke english, the interaction would have started good not weird. After literally 2 seconds I am faced with a set of challenges that make this interaction “harder” than if it was a white girl.

me: *shifts in Type C/D Mode* Cute. *points her at*
her: *smile* Thank you!
me: What’s your name?

Texting her, and planning our date was even more challenging. At one point I decided not to even talk to her, it seemed a little pointless since the language barrier was so thick. I decided to do it just for fun though, more to see how hard it would be. I spoke in broken English as well as translated it into japanese. I ended up dating her casually for a few months, and ran into every “barrier” listed above. None of this was “easy” at all.

The REAL reasons people say “Asian girls are easy”

1. Confusion Over “Good Reactions” vs “Conversion” Many make the false connection that if a girl’s laughing, smiling, and talking to a guy then she is attracted to him, and likely to date him. I call this the difference between “reaction” and “conversion.” Reaction is the way a girl reacts to you when first meeting, and conversion is when a girl you meet ‘converts’ into a date, or intimacy. Now all girls are different, but Asian girls can struggle with being mean, or ‘impolite’ in a social interaction. Being told to “fuck off” is way more likely to happen with a hot white/Latina girl in a social environment, even Type A Asian girls have no problems being blunt and honest with a guy they don’t like - Type B/C/D however may have cultural influences that make it harder for them to be rude, mean, or cold to people.

If you’re a massive observer, you may interpret an Asian girl’s positive reactions as an indication that they’re “easy” - this is false.

I’ve had many examples of girls who laughed, smiled, talked for 15 minutes, and even agreed to meet again only to be blocked within minutes of walking away. (Some chat apps tell you if you’re blocked) Now the ignorant observer may look at this and go “Wow, he just walked up to her and now she’s laughing and smiling, he’s so lucky, he’s going to meet her again” - Again confusion over ‘reaction’ vs ‘conversion’.

2. Ego and Unconscious Jealousy - It’s human nature to invent stories and rationalizations on why others succeed that make us feel better about ourselves. When an average guy is holding hands with a really cute girl, it’s almost automatic that other men will speculate that it’s because he’s rich, famous, or she’s using him to get something. Rarely do you ever hear “Wow, that guy must be really cool and funny to get her, good for him.”

Our ego is hurt when we see people with a life we secretly want, and we invent stories to allow us to feel less pain in facing the reality that we’re not getting what we want. It’s easy to just say “well, he’s rich..thats why he has that hot girl, if I was rich I would have her too, so I no longer feel pain and jealousy”.

In the case of claiming Asian girls are easy, it rarely comes from someone who is attracted to Asian girls, or has dated many. Most of the time it’s from someone who needs a mental story as a way to rationalize why another person has the dating life they want, or a way to undermine their progress or happiness. Even if a man does not like asian girls, all men want to date girls they’re attracted to, and seeing another man doing just that, will cause the ego to feel pain.

3. Asian Male Shaming - A strange source of hate over Asian girls comes from Asian men. Asian men, especially those who are shy or lack confidence, are quick to wag their finger at Asian girls and shame them for being friendly to non-Asians. Like the example I gave earlier, it’s easy for ugly girls to shame pretty girls for dressing slutty as a way to feel less bad about themselves - it’s easy for an Asian male to call Asian girls slutty for being friendly as a way to feel less bad over being confused on how to relate with women.

Many Asian men have a lot of resentment towards asian women is really their own sexual frustration being transferred into anger and judgement.

WHY I WASTED MY TIME WRITING THIS

Ultimately all that matters is having a an idea of what you want in your life and going for it - what others think whether good or bad should never changed that too much. In this case, the sheer number of people making this claim moved me to give my thoughts on the matter. It was more of a 'get it off my chest' type of thing than a 'let me show them!' type of thing.

Either way, there ya go.. blah! travel folders 6QKY*9DD*RPg$%tsKd@3

Female Dating Sampling Bias

One of the illusions of dating from the female perspective is that generally guys are scared away by commitment, "clingy" behavior, or nonsexual intimacy.

It’s true some are, but the reason this view is so popular is not because it’s true, but because of a ‘sampling bias’ generated by the types of guys women are attracted to. The “kind” of guy who is not scared away by commitment, by definition, will be in more committed relationships - he therefore will be in the dating pool less often AND when he is in the dating pool will have less experience in attracting women. The man who is uncomfortable with commitment, by definition will be in less committed relationships - he therefore will be in the dating pool more often. Since he will be single more often, he will have experienced the “meet girl, attract girl, date girl” process more often, giving him more practice and insights into what behavior is attractive to women.

This illusion is so subtle it’s easy to understand why women think what they do - what’s sad is the types of guys women claim to want only pop their head into the dating pool for a short time, and when they do they’re rejected for not being completely socially calibrated and “weird” due to lack of experience.

Being a nice guy makes you an asshole

Being a nice guy, in the context of women, kinda makes you an asshole. By nice guy I mean a guy who has romantic interest in a girl, but avoids being explicit in his interest in her sexually, or does not hit on her. The kind of guy who does not approach with intent, but rather neutrally, hoping something might happen. The kind of guy who has a crush, but keeps it a secret. The kind of guy who, because he’s scared of rejection, never steps up and asks her out, but instead does her homework and hopes someday she’ll magically desire to be more than friends. The kind of guy who is in the friendzone and is frustrated by it.

On the surface a guy like this is just being “respectful” or “shy” but I think on a deep level his actions are offensive and disrespectful - here’s how:

Being a guy who does not convey romantic interest to a girl you have interest in, this makes you dishonest. You may think your actions are out of respect and friendliness, but in reality they’re based in fear and dishonesty. Your words, and actions are not aligned with your intentions. Akin to the guy who’s only being your friend because he secretly wants something you have. This does not make you a nice guy, it makes you an asshole.

By not being explicit with a girl you’re interested in, you’re indirectly telling her she’s not worth the risk. Many guys fear rejection, but rejection is just temporary bad emotions, and by not being clear in your intentions you’re implying she is not special enough to risk feeling temporary bad emotions. You’re saying by your lack of action “I’m more interested in protecting my ego from a little pain than I’m interested in you”   You’re indirectly telling she’s not special, not worth it - This does not make you a nice guy, it makes you a selfish asshole.

By not taking action, by either not approaching with intent or not making romantic advances (going for a kiss, or asking her out) you’re indirectly communicating to her you're not the type of man who goes for what he wants, but rather lets fear dictate his life. A man who desires to live his life in accordance to his values will aspire to move towards the life he wants, this requires going for what you want. If you believe you deserve to live the life you want, you will take action. By being just the “nice friend” around a girl you want to date, and taking no action to materialize that desire you’re subcommunicating that you don’t really value your own life. Yes, this is a little extreme “So if I don’t hit on chicks you’re saying I hate my life?” - In a way yes, but women are more symbolic in the context of the point i’m making.  This idea does not only apply to women, but in all aspects of your life, but it’s more true with women because the level of effort to take action is SO tiny the point is even more potent. Imagine a man who has the chance to get a good paying job that he says he wants, but doesn't want to get out of bed because “it’s so warm and comfortable in my bed” - What would this say about him? What does this say about how much he values the job? This analogy fits well because the rewards of being clear in your intent with a woman could be amazing if she responds well, where the risk is tiny (temporary bad emotions). This does not make you a “nice guy” it makes you an asshole for taking life for granted and not having the self respect to move towards a life you deep down want.

Many “nice guys” have warped views about guys who take action when it comes to girls they’re interested in. Words like “Douchebag” or “jerk” are common. “Why do girls go for jerks” they cry “I’m a good guy, I have a good job, so unfair” - This is an intuitive response, but when you change the frame the picture changes. If a man believes he’s a quality person, and has a lot to offer a girl - then NOT offering it makes you the douchebag, the jerk, the asshole. If you believe you’re a quality guy who’d be a positive addition to a girls life, and you take no action, then does that not mean you’re in a way depriving her? It’s not in the feminine nature to lead. This means even if she’s interested she will most certainly do nothing. Imagine a painter who paints beautiful art, he sits at home frustrated nobody appreciates his art. He mutters “ugh, my paintings are good, why is it the only artists who get exposure are the pushy guys who leave the house to show people their art” Stop being an asshole and go make your “art” visible.

Although downplayed female sexual frustration exists, not in the form of whether they can have intimacy, but getting it from the guys they want it from. Ask any girl “have you ever wanted a guy to make a move and he didnt?” - watch their eyes light up with stories. It’s totally adorable, but at the same time they’re being frustrated by ‘nice guys’

A KPOP song comes to mind that’s about this very thing: Nice guys frustrating girls

“Today I have a date with you for the first time in a while
What do I do, what do I do, the sun is already setting
Every day, every night – when will we get a bit closer?
I can’t even say it because I’m the girl
Stupid boy, silly boy, I can’t wait any longer
Today I will be courageous and tell you
After the evening sun sets, after the darkness falls
Will you take me home?
I don’t want to say goodbye yet, do you want to get to know me more?
Then do you want to come in and have some tea?
This night is too long by myself
I want to know you more
I ask of you until the morning comes “

In short, when you examine the “nice guy” behavior, there’s really nothing nice about it. Not being clear in your intent, and not taking action with the women you’re romantically interested is not being nice, it’s being a dishonest, selfish, ungiving asshole who has no self-respect. So sorry bro, there’s nothing nice about you.

Entitlement's Effect on Success

As subtle as it would seem, when it comes to success with anything, the beliefs in your head can be more powerful than other external efforts to get what you want. A boxer can train for weeks, but without the belief that he’s capable of beating his opponent, he has little chance of beating him.

This could not be more true with interacting with women. Your beliefs about who you are, what you’re entitled to, and what you’re capable will directly translate into how you speak, act, and behave around women you’re attracted to.

If a guy gets the courage to talk to a girl, but lacks the belief he’s entitled to her attention, or lacks the belief he’s capable of getting attraction, then this will translate into behavior. Shotty eye contact, speaking too quickly, nervous energy etc. His mind will be flooded with what he can say to keep her attention, something premised on the idea that he alone is not enough to keep her there. Akin to a man defusing a bomb, his head space is anticipating an explosion and it’s showing. The girl will get creeped out and reject him.

In contrast, a guy with a strong sense of identity, who may have dated women in the past as beautiful or more so will have a sense of entitlement and confidence about his capabilities to attract. He will have less pressure to ‘keep her attention’ since her attention is not a big deal. This will translate into him keeping normal eye contact, speak at a normal pace, be relaxed and basically be normal.

The girl’s subconscious mind registers this to reflect on his status, whether real or not, since if he’s this way around her, it must mean he’s this way around women like her. This is what women really mean when they say “just be yourself.” - In reality “being yourself” is a shadow, and it reflects how you view yourself, and more importantly, how you view her.

Are you awake?

Have you ever been driving on low sleep, and found yourself driving to your work, or old house? “Crap, where am I going? Oh wow I was driving to my work, it’s Saturday what the...” There are many examples of this, where we slip into a lower state of consciousness and go into autopilot. In “The Power of Habit” they talk about the ways your brain will bury routine tasks deep into the parts of your brain that do not require you to even be fully awake. They tell a story of a man with brain damage causing him to have almost no memory. He’s unable to locate the kitchen in his own house, but he once wandered outside, took a long walk, and returned safely. His walk was so ingrained into his “basal ganglia” that he could do it on autopilot. As we get older, more routine things will become a part of our autopilot system.

I have many stories where in routine, meaningless “conversations” with co-workers I’ll slip in completely ridiculous answers with a straight face. I’ll make reference to my grandson, or talk about driving a school bus, and sometimes the person will nod and smile completely on autopilot, not really listening. They can have a short conversation that’s so routine words are not even registering into their mind. It’s really funny if you can get away with it.

The easiest way to snap out of autopilot is for something completely random to happen. Maybe a friend jumps out of the bushes and scares you for example. We all know the feeling, we get super scared, laugh, then feel this jolt of awakeness. There’s a certain level of awakeness and joy that is associated with being out of autopilot. Think of how children are. They have yet to really develop any autopilot, or develop an ego - they are carefree beings who are completely expressive, curious, and free.

This ‘pure self’ found in children is still inside each of us, but is now buried in layers of self-image, autopilot, and ego. We’re now paralyzed into not being genuine due to fear of being judged by others, or concerns with our self-image or reputation. If a child sees another child he’s curious about, he’ll wobble up to them and without any hesitation say “hi, wanna play?” Now go up to a young man, point to a pretty girl he wants to meet, and tell him to talk to her and watch - his heart rate will increase, adrenaline shoot up, mind flooded with thoughts, excuses, and rationalizations on why he won’t or can’t do it. His ego is shocking him into fearing what will she think, what will others think, what if someone sees me. His entire nervous system is being jolted into the fear of going out of autopilot. 

Think of autopilot like a cast on a broken arm, or a leg brace, at first it aids you, may even make you feel a bit stronger since it’s hard. However if it becomes too thick, or worn too long the arm or leg inside will get weaker, pale, and eventually become barely alive. 

Think of a child like a completely naked soul, and as it grows it starts to develop a cast of autopilot. If the child lives a life of routine, rarely facing it’s fears, or going outside of it’s comfort zone the cast will grow thick and strong, and the self inside will get weak and pale. Character resistance does not occur so the character becomes weak and sensitive.

Weak, pale, pathetic unconscious beings are everywhere. Go to your local walmart and just watch people. Those who are mostly asleep will be more irritated by petty things like long lines, or paying $1 more for something. Their character is soft, and therefore the smallest thing will cause enormous anxiety. Since emotional fluctuations are rare, the smallest emotional changes will sting. They are slaves to their emotions.  The first step in choosing to live a more awakened life is recognizing what behavior will seduce you into slipping into autopilot. Routine, staying in your comfort zone, avoiding resistance, and living a life lacking in motion.

You go to work, have routine politically correct conversations like “Hey joe, how are you? Good. Oh, I’m good. Yeah it’s hot today! Alright Talk to you later” you drive home, and rationalize that you deserve to relax, something you do every single day. You decide to watch TV. Sitting there motionless, you maybe eat something. On the weekend you decide to join some friends for dinner and a movie. You sit in a chair and eat more. Make sure to avoid certain topics of conversation, those will cause scary things to happen like thinking, confrontation with your own views, or maybe even temporary negative emotions. Besides, it will startle the complete stranger next to you. Your food order was wrong, but you don’t want to confront the waitress, that will cause temporary negative emotions in both of you. Not only that it may disturb your friends, who will feel anxious seeing you mention it. You go and sit motionless in the movie, allowing it to stimulate you. You go home and sleep motionless.

In The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt talks about the character building qualities that tragedy and hardship have on a person. He talks about how often the worlds most inspiring people have histories of extreme suffering or tragedy. He argues that tragedy alone is not the cause, but it’s the massive perspective shifts that can take place which will give the person a certain level of enlightenment about life and purpose. He tells a story about a successful stockbroker, whose wife cheated on him, violently divorced him, ruined his financial life, took his house and threatened to take the kids. He recalls the extreme heartbreak and stress this had on him. He almost lost everything. In the story the man reflected heavily on his life and found that out of all the things threatened to be taken from him, his children were the only thing that mattered. The reality that his kids could be taken away was so terrifying it forced him to truly appreciate time spent with them. The idea of sacrificing even a moment with his son to work now seems ludicrous. This large perspective shift could only have taken place with an event of this magnitude.

Living above an autopilot state is (probably) a lot of work. It’s not like climbing a mountain where once you’re at the top you sit and enjoy it. It’s like climbing a muddy mountain in the rain, where you will backslide if you slow down, or stop. I have a vivid memory where two weeks after a fun Vegas trip with some friends I was pumping gas around 7:30am.

In Vegas, we had gone out to a club and had a blast. I had been pushing myself out of my comfort zone all weekend, and was in a very awake state. I saw this gorgeous girl talking to this buff black guy, but there's a tiny hint that she wasn't really into it. I moved in behind her and whispered in her ear “If you need me to save you, squeeze my hand” she looks at me and squeezes my hand. She smiles and says “Wow, i have not seen you in years!” - She was seriously drop dead gorgeous and was in some bottle service booth. I pretend to know her and ask the guy if its cool if we catch up. He has a weird look on his face and says “Yeah sure” and walks off.. 5 seconds later he grabs her hand and walks her away.  They were swallowed up in the crowd. I jumped up to see where she was going and ran threw some people. I went up behind her and said “hold on” and literally picked her up in the air and blasted through the crowd. The guy let go. I dropped her and she had a huge smile on her face and said “wow, thank you, who are you!?!??!” We talked for a bit but she was with a large group of girls and was dragged away. Nothing happened but it made for a cool story.

As I was pumping gas I saw a guy at the station who kinda looked like him and it made me think of the story. There was this moment where I almost did not believe my own memory. I had this thought “Uh, wtf did I really do that?” and the idea of doing that again seemed completely terrifying. Deep down I’m naturally a shy and awkward guy, not the type who does things like that. I know I did it though. It was not the memory that was foggy, it was the lack of identification I had with the person in the memory. 

I realized that the two weeks following Vegas I had been playing a lot of xbox, and had discovered the show “how I met your mother.” I had been watching it on the couch and taking naps between episodes. I remember having a savings goal so I did not go out of town either. I was doing mostly nothing. I was slowly moving back into the cast. Where the few days that followed up to the Vegas trip I had been very active, moving about so much the cast cracked freeing me from it’s grip. It’s like when forrest gump puts so much resistance on his leg braces from running they break, allowing him to run faster. After vegas I had slipped back into old habits, gently putting my legs back into the braces.

Facing resistance, violating routine, moving towards what you want despite it sometimes being scary are all ways to stay “awake” - The question is do you want to be?

Chopping - Why I don't

In live games it’s common that when everyone folds to the small & big blind, instead of playing the hand they will simply chop the blinds. Both players pull back all or most of their money and move on to the next hand. Virtually all players chop blinds - I do not. recovery

I’ve had dozens of  very short conversations on why I don’t chop, but I felt the desire to maybe explain in detail not only why I don’t chop, but why I think every decent player should not chop.

Here are my personal reasons, ranked by importance, for not chopping in live poker.

1. Letting fish off the hook - If you believe you’re a better player than your opponent, allowing them to avoid playing a hand with you is letting them escape a chance to make mistakes against you. This is mercy. If your goal at the table is to make money, and you achieve your goal by playing as many hands with weak opponents as possible, then chopping does not make sense.

2. Headsup pots are easier to win - All things being equal, you have a 1 in 5 chance of winning a 5 way pot, 1 in 4 chance of winning a 4 way pot, and so on. Also, in a heads up pot all of your focus is on one opponent, and there are less factors to consider making them easier (in my opinion at least) to play. Blind on blind pots are always heads up, and chopping simply removes one more potential pot won away from you - there’s no reason to allow this.

3. Live players are clueless when playing blind vs blind - I remember this really funny hand in vegas where it folded to the small blind, and the player assumed it was a chop and I calmly told him I don’t chop.

player: wait, you don’t chop?
me: nope.
player: oh...*stares around blankly*...wait, so now what?
me: haha...well.. you can call, raise, or fold
player: oh..i call
me: raise...
player: oh..um..fold

It’s as if he completely forgot how to play poker in the moment he was forced to play blind vs blind. It was too funny.

recovery In poker literature/culture, blind on blind or headsup poker is in a way it’s own little meta game. All decent players are aware that hand ranges are to be wider in this situation, and therefore the entire post flop dynamic is different. Most live players are completely oblivious to these dynamics, and therefore have no idea how to adjust to a heads up pot. If your goal in poker is to make money, allowing your opponent to avoid a situation where he’s the most clueless is complete insanity, you might as well light money on fire at that point.

4. Players hate you - One of the side effects of not chopping is it tilts your opponents. Players irrationally find it offensive that you want to play poker instead of chop, and if you’re lucky will develop a personal grudge against you and make you a target. A common response is “oh! You don’t chop huh! Then I’ll raise!” which translates as “Oh, you want to play poker, this offends me, so in response I’ll put more money with worse hands in the pot! haha! now what!”

I had one occasion while playing in LA, the player to my right asked to chop twice, each time I calmy said “no thanks” and raised his small blind limp. He got so upset that the third time we were blind on blind he made a ridiculous raise (like 10x the bb), I woke up with two kings and moved in. Him being tilted from this called with Q-3 - something he’d never do if my non-chopping did not upset him.

If your goal in poker is to make money, then allowing your opponents to avoid situations that may tilt them, and cause them to play worse than before is a mistake.

5. Rake Shmake - Many will point out that a blind on blind pot will be very small due to the rake, in some casinos the rake will take half of an unraised pot, causing a player to only win his money back if the pot is played without a bet postflop. They will argue this is a reason to chop.

The first thing to point out is this ONLY applies if both players do not raise pre-flop. All arguments about pot size are fallacious since the pot is only small if both players do not raise. To a player who  will raise playable hands and fold/check unplayable this argument has no validity. I personally am a player like this, and this among many reasons is why I find this argument unconvincing.

In addition this argument could be used to argue against limping in, since a limped pot of many players often has a higher rake than a heads up pot. A the local casino I play at, a unraised pot of two players will go from $4 to $2 after rake (50%). However an unraised pot of five players will go from $10 to $5 or $6 after rake. So if one is to argue that rake is a reason to chop, one most also argue it’s a reason to not limp either.

In short, chopping allows weak opponents to avoid playing against you, it prevents you from playing in easy spots, most players are clueless headsup, and it may drive your opponent crazy causing him to give you his stake with Q3 - all things that will increase your bottom line. Cn@@hqRVvUXOhBR32tL%

The Rosemary Complex

One of the most frustrating ‘types of girl’ is a girl who has what I’d like to call a “Rosemary Complex” or “Shallow Hal Syndrome.” In the movie “Shallow Hal” the main character who is hypnotized into recognizing only the inner beauty of women, falls in love with an obese girl named Rosemary. Rosemary is fat, but Hal sees her as a slender perfect 10. On paper you’d think Rosemary would love and appreciate the compliments and attention from Hal, but instead it weirds her out.

Rosemary: Hal, do me a favor and stop saying that I'm pretty and that I'm not fat, ok? Cause it makes me uncomfortable.

Hal: Umm, ok. Do you have a problem with compliments?

Rosemary: Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. [...] I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. And I'm fine with that. But when you go around saying I'm something that I'm not, it's just, it's just not nice.

(click image for video)

The underlying issue here is not about ugly or pretty, but is rather a conflict in self-image & a lack of entitlement. Rosemary’s self-image is SO much different than how Hal sees her that his attention actually creates distrust in Hal. Her subconscious is essentially saying “Why is he lying to me?”

I’ve come across girls who have a Rosemary complex enough times to finally recognize the symptoms and causes. In short a “Rosemary Complex” is where a beautiful woman's self-image is that of an ugly one, and views genuine attention from a guy as weird, offensive, and with distrust - the more she’s attracted the more weirded out she is.

Here are actual quotes said to me from girls with a “Rosemary Complex”

“Why are you even talking to me? I’m not even pretty”

“Ok, seriously David you can stop, you don’t have to say all that, I know i’m just average”

“Well, to be honest, the reason I said no so many times to you was I thought you might be messing with me, I mean there’s a lot of beautiful girls out there so I didn't get why you wanted to take me out”

“honestly talking to you is humiliating, i’m ugly, have small boobs, so I just don’t get it”

The most frustrating thing looking back on girls who had a Rosemary Complex is that often they are girls i’ve found myself the most attracted to, & paradoxically the more attracted to you they are, the stronger the doubt over your attraction is.

Something i’ve noticed many girls with “RC” have in common is a lack of socialisation. They rarely go to traditionally social places (bars, clubs, parties) where a beautiful girl will get positive feedback over her looks by romantic advances or undeserved attention/treatment. A girls self-image is thus not being shaped in the “normal” way and results in a warped self-image.

Possible causes for lack of socialisation include:

1. Being in a long relationship with an anti-social boyfriend since she was very young.

2. Not getting along with girls with a normal social life.

3. Having unique hobbies that foster an antisocial lifestyle, or hobbies that are enjoyed by a more nerdy crowd.

4. Being a foreigner from another country too scared to go out.

5. General social anxiety.